Dear Tereasa:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two years and have only been dating each other for most of that time.† This summer she went to work out of state for two months and when she got back last week it seems like she really changed.† She doesnít want to see me every day like she used to, she wants to go out with her girlfriends and it doesnít seem like she really missed me.† I have been wondering if she ever cared for me at all.† Maybe while she was gone she discovered that she really didnít want to be with me.† I am scared to bring it up because Iím not sure I really want to know the answer.† What do you think I should do?

Afraid to Ask

Dear Afraid:

I can see that it would be hard for you to ask your girlfriend what her true feelings are especially if you think she might have changed her mind about your relationship.† However, it is important to allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to settle this.† It could be that you are correct and she has changed her mind, but it could be something else altogether.† You wonít know if you donít ask, and it is actually good practice for future communications.† You might want to start out the conversation by saying ďIím a little confused.† Since you got back you seem different to meÖÖÖ.Ē† Use your own words, but be sure to avoid putting words in her mouth.† You are making a lot of assumptions about her feelings and how they may have changed.† Let her tell you what is different or what has changed for her.† You are very courageous to even be considering talking to her about this.† Go ahead and ask the questions.† You might be surprised at the answers.† I hope this helps.† Good luck.†

Tereasa

Dear Tereasa:

My children are five and seven.† On our seven year old sonís birthday my husband bought him a bb gun.† He didnít ask me if it was okay, in fact we never had a discussion about it. I donít like guns of any kind and did not realize that my husband does.† He said all boys should have a bb gun and that he will show him how to be safe.† While I am furious about him getting my son a bb gun because I donít like guns, I am really angry because he didnít even talk to me about it.† It seems to me we should discuss these things.†

Furious

Dear Furious:

I can see that you are both frightened at the thought of your son having a bb gun and frustrated that your husband didnít discuss it with you.† While on the surface this may sound like a relatively simple situation, I am wondering if there is a bigger issue at stake here.† First of all the issue of gun ownership is a huge issue.† It is likely wrapped around many other values that remain unspoken here.† There is the value of life and guns take life away many times.† There is the question of whether owning a bb gun is sort of a gateway to owning other types of guns.† There is likely an entire philosophical world view underneath these questions.† I would suggest that both you and your husband get clear about this before you talk further about gun ownership for your son.† There is also the question of your sonís age.† Seven seems very young to me to be involved with any kind of gun.† Last, but not least, you and your husband need to have a talk about discussing things with one another before decisions are made and the children are made aware of the issue.† In the meantime, I would suggest that the gun be put in a safe place and you and your husband tackle these issues.† I hope this helps.† Good luck.†

Tereasa

Tereasa Jones, M.S. is a professional life coach who lives in the Grove area. She specializes in Relationship Coaching for singles and couples, and Coaching for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder and is available for personal consultations. Please send questions for ďAsk the Life CoachĒ directly to Tereasa at Tereasa@coachedliving.com or mail them or bring them to the office of The Grove Sun Daily at 14 West Third, 74344. Visit Tereasaís website at www.coachedliving.com.