Joe Gray

Grove Sun Editor

I have a confession to make. I have a plot.

It doesn't involve causing turmoil with city or county officials, or exposing massive conspiracies that people try to put me onto every day. Those things are Standard Operating Procedure, and not worthy of the word "plot".

It involves a gator.

If you read our Tuesday paper, you know that an alligator has been spotted down near Watts, and immediately Gator Fever swept the office.

Well, ok, maybe just my corner of the office, but it's spreading.

While I am definitely not a fan of the Florida Gators in any way, shape, or form, I am a fan of real-life gators. Both the four-legged kind and the kind with six wheels.

The last time I ran across a gator was on a hog hunt (obviously I have a thing for dangerous animals that would like nothing better than to maul or eat you), and it was quite an experience.

As anyone who watches any Animal Planet knows, alligators are no joke.

They are crafty, quick, have a sharp bite, a nasty temper, and a brain the size of a walnut. All of which have been used to describe me before, so maybe that's why I have an affinity for the gator.

I rapidly assembled a team to pursue this misunderstood creature. I think he would make a great mascot.

With the combined talents of Peggy Kiefer (driver and photographer), Kim Self (scout), Kendra Montana (tracker), and hopefully Richard Stroud (head wrangler), I think we could pull it off.

I can see it now, Kiefer plowing through the fields of Watts with Self hanging out the window looking for the best dirt roads to follow, and doing her best to give directions, emphatically.

Montana's using her woodsman's skills to spot the gator's lair, while Stroud lies in wait to get the poor animal in his vise-like grip.

Ok, it might not go exactly that way, but that's how I imagine it.

Personally, I'd like to have him leash broken and have him follow me around, especially at local election time.

Nothing deters an overzealous campaign manager like a bodyguard that can gnaw your leg off.

He would also come in handy at council meetings, commissioner meetings, and especially town hall meetings from overly boisterous elected officials.

I could even have him answer my voicemails from time to time. The possibilities are endless, really.

Lots of other excitement around town this week, with the water tower coming down, senseless playground destruction, and the arrest of the Jay mayor following an investigation.

They keep telling me Spring is here, but I'm not feeling it. Looks a lot more like Seattle around here right now, which may be why there's so much mischief going on.

Hopefully warm weather will be here soon, because Elvis the gator doesn't like the cold, and I've got a spot reserved for him down on the boat dock.