Baxter Black

This cowboy advice column is inspired by the Ventura County Star.† Three cowboys answer questions about love and life.

DEAR TERRIFIC TRIO,† Iíve just fallen in love with a 38 year old bottle blonde who shoots a mean game of snooker and can chug a 16 oz bottle of Red Dog Ale in 30 seconds!† Do you believe in love at first sight?† Or should I wait till tomorrow morning to pop the question?† FROM THUNDERSTRUCK, texting in the menís room @ Walterís Crescendo Lounge

DEAR THUNDER, Ask her quick before the Butazoline and Acepromazine wear off and she realizes how stupid you are.

DEAR TRIGEMINAL TRIPODS,† My husband has come into some inheritance.† We need food for the twins and a refrigerator that works but he wants to invest in a four-wheeler to pull his roping dummy at the funeral in honor of his dead uncle.† Am I being selfish?† SIGNED, TIMOROUS IN TULARE

DEAR TIMOROUS, Make sure he gets one with four-wheel drive and the beer cooler attachment.

DEAR TRUCULENT TAPADERAS,† My live in boyfriend is starting to make eyes at other women.† The other love of my life is a hard-to-handle Arabian stallion.† I realize I canít afford them both.† What should I do?† SIGNED, PUZZLED IN PIOCHE

DEAR PUZZLED,† Flip a coin and geld the one you keep.

DEAR 3 DIMENSIONAL TROUBADORS,† Iím courting a shiny lookiní dolly who wants to get married.† But sheís been engaged to half the men in Modesto.† Should that concern me?† SIGNED, RELUCTANT ROUSER

DEAR RELUCK,† Shinyís always good.† Besides, Modesto ainít that big.

DEAR TROUBLESOME TRIFECTA,† I met a woman in Sturgis at the Rally.† She has a motorcycle and a tattoo.† Weíre getting serious, but I donít want to play second fiddle to her cyle passion.† Is she a good bet?† SIGNED, IDLING IN IDAHO

DEAR IDS,† It depends.† Is it a Harley? . . . the tattoo, I mean?