I’ve been wondering now with my new status of semi-semi-rancherette, foster cow caretaker if I can sit with the cowboys at the local cafe in the mornings at the liar’s table. I have cow poop in the tread of my tires and I can get me one of those hay skewers things that go on the back of my truck, and my close friends already know I have an “awesome” cowboy hat.

Is it by invitation only? If not, I would sure like to join you fellas and talk “cow” in the mornings. I’m even willing to learn about hay and such.

The fat chicks have finally come out from under the bed. They act like I’ve moved them to Siberia or something. Now they’ve taken roost on the couch and eye me warily everywhere I go, like I’m going to pick them up and take them for a ride again.

They have ventured out (once) to the porch, but apparently their little cat feet don’t like grass or something. They stayed out 5 minutes and then wanted back in very badly. They they stared at me like I threw them out and wouldn’t let them back in. There’s just no winning with them.

Jackie from the museum forwarded this e-mail on to me and it was just so right for what’s going on with the weather, thought I’d share it with you. Thanks Jackie.

How DRY Is It in Oklahoma?? A buddy out of Enid said he’d killed a mosquito that

was carrying a canteen. A man in Miami said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hardboiled eggs. In Lake Texoma, they

caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks! In Woodward, a fire hydrant was seen bribing a

dog.

It’s so dry in Oklahoma

that;

• the Baptists baptize by sprinkling.

• the Methodists are usingwet-wipes.

• the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks.

• the Catholics are praying for wine to turn back into water.

No offense meant to any religion with that one, but boy, it’s hot out there.

The long range forecast says scattered showers maybe on July 29. Sure hope they’re wrong about that. How am I going to talk “hay” if there ain’t none?

I have a doctors appointment today (Thursday). I’m hoping we can file for a legal separation, me and Dr. Cancer. If all goes well then I only have to see him every 6 months for the next 2 years and then our divorce will be finalized.

HAIR UPDATE

I don’t have any. If anyone out there has any suggestions, please don’t hesitate to share them with me on speeding up the hair growing process. You can email me at dcjnews@yahoo.com or give me a call that the office. I’ll try anything except smearing any kind of wildlife manure on my head. And I may not draw the line there if I get really hard-up and impatient.