I have found over the years that my walk with the Lord has taken me so long to get to where I am... it’s a wonder that he hasn’t washed his hands of me and moved on to another person.
I discovered the Lord long before a could put a real name to him. When I was younger, there were often times that I would be confused and upset but in my weakness, I would feel the comfort of a great “Father”. In my youthfulness and naiveté, I didn’t question it... I just accepted it.
I would put a name to that comfort later on in a tiny little Southern church at a 4 way stop in rural Louisiana where my family would all gather. The wide graceful wooden pews of old, the simple décor and the faithful that brought that building to life would make an impact on me that would take years to fully mature.
Through the little kids classes where I learned crafts and simple Bible stories to the sermons that I sat through... trying hard not to wiggle or talk so I would get that church candy. The basic seeds of the gospel were planted.
I remember a few preachers that blurred together in my memories but the farmer that baptized me was missing a finger and used to revel in telling us kids about the gory details.
As I got older and started to glean some of the messages that were taught from the pulpit, I came away with one powerful message... you had to live in complete knowledge that you were saved. You had to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior or you wouldn’t see the gates of Heaven.
Maybe it was my faulty memories but I don’t remember many other themes or topics in that little church. I remember really hot summer days, the occasional pinch from an aunt for nodding off, and the potato salad from the popular potlucks but not much else.
I knew that I was saved. I knew as I grew older and starting adulting on my own that my salvation was secured... but I didn’t know what came next. I was looking for more, deeper and it turns out that my heart was thirsty. My very soul was looking for food.
It would be years before I really understood what I was seeking. I wanted to know the real Jesus. I wanted to learn from the stories in the Bible, even though when I read them myself... they seemed stifled and distance.
My better half and I began the process of trying to find a church that would satisfy this need for more. We learned very quickly that churches are full of people, led by people and that people are fallible.
We turned away from organized settings and began searching for lessons and teachings that could give us that insight we wanted.
And if you seek him, he will find you.
I was reading a lecture by a teaching preacher that was like a bucket of cold water to my face and my spirit... he noted that we are to remember that those called to teach us are not to be boasted or worshiped... but we are to look at them and their deeds as it points us to Christ.
While I was looking for someone, something to lead me where I wanted to go, the way has been there all along. No preacher or pastor is going to give us what we need. They are simply people called to present the gospel, the Word and through deed and word, point us to Christ.
I began to take the materials and the lessons, taking notes and working towards figuring out in layman’s terms how each part pointed me towards Christ. The more I worked, the more I hunted... the more I wanted.
One day I realized that I knew none of the “current” songs my kid was singing, because the stations on my radio were set to worship. The romance novels I once collected by the crates were gone and replaced by study guides and spirit food.
My walk, faulty in the start, has turned into a run.
Kalynn Brazeal is a conservative, Christian wife/mom/country girl carrying around an MBA, several decades of business experience and a strong opinion. Dividing her time between Grand Lake and Colorado, she continues to share her column on life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and cake. She can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.