I am surely not the only one that has ever pondered… why am I here? What reason was I given this life and what am I supposed to do with it? Anytime my life takes a sharp left turn, I find myself asking the Lord that. Yet I know the answer.
He has a plan for me and my life. It’s very possible that my plan has nothing to do with me and isn’t that just the hardest thing to chew on… the idea that all of this… my choices and my struggles… my joys and my wins… none of it is about ME.
I am but a speck in his universe yet I know that he has crafted me to achieve certain things that are meant for his plans. However, knowing doesn’t make the day to day living any easier because I’m a worrier. I worry. About everything.
I worry that I forgot to pay a bill… been burned once or twice there… so I check through the list. Then worry that I have one that isn’t on my list… just floating out there. I worry that my dog isn’t getting enough exercise and attention, even though he’s the most spoilt dog on the planet. I worry that my kids are not making good choices… then I fret because I can’t choose for them. I worry that my tub isn’t draining as fast as it could… I literally worry about it all.
When I’m faced with the things that I can’t control… I worry. And it eats away at my happiness. Even knowing all of this… I still do it. I also know “Be still and know that I am God”. I know that when I reach the point where I am running into a wall, I have to hand it over and put it on him.
So I do. I gather up my worries and my lack of control into a pile and I lay it at his feet. Five minutes later, I run right back over and grab that pile… like a toddler snatching a toy and fleeing away from help.
It’s my struggle and sometimes I think that I lack the courage to be bold enough to trust God with my burdens. It’s so much easier to fret and worry over them than to walk away from them and move forward.
I get stalled. I can’t move forward.
Yet… “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”.
So how do you leave it and move forward? I find that I do best when I’m constantly focused on him.
One day I turned the radio in my car to a Christian station and left it. Now every time I’m driving along, it’s playing songs that soothe my soul. Sometimes they aren’t catchy, but they feed my soul. I need that. While I’m living the life that I have, I need that anchor that allows me to remember that it’s not about ME.
Often times we hone in on the things that hurt... the things that throb. It’s like when you have a toothache... you can’t focus on anything else because it’s just a throbbing mess... It pulls your attention whether you like it or not. Or when you stub that pinky toe on the bedframe that you know is there... it hurts and has its own heartbeat... it distracts you from the world around you... all you can focus on is the pain of that moment.
So where do you go when you have a wound that is open and throbbing... and you can’t just hand it over? You take it to the Lord. You leave that burden there and you know that it’s in good hands.
When you find yourself reaching for it again... you stand on the word and promises of the Lord. He’s done the work... he’s fought the battles and won the victory... now you live the life he’s given.
You must trust the Lord... the way you know that the sun will rise tomorrow... have faith. Trust in him.
Kalynn Brazeal is a conservative, Christian wife/mom/country girl carrying around an MBA, several decades of business experience and a strong opinion. Dividing her time between Grand Lake and North Dakota, she continues to share her column on life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and cake. She can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.