1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where theyíre serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can* and quickly. Itís rare. You canít find
it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? Itís not as if youíre going to turn into an
eggnogoholic or something. Itís a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have
two. Itís later than you think. Itís Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. Thatís the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if theyíre made with skim milk or
whole milk. If itís skim, pass. Why bother? Itís like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
peopleís food for free. Lots of it.
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Yearís.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which youíll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and donít budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. Theyíre like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, youíre never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if
you donít like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, itís loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
10. One final tip: If you donít feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you havenít been paying attention. Re-read the
above tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.