Tereasa Jones, M.S.

Dear Tereasa:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year.† I recently graduated from college and will be moving out of state to start work.† He has been unemployed for a few months.† When I talked to him about taking this job he said he would move to the same city and get a job there.† Now that it is time to make the move, he says he isnít sure this is the right decision for him.† He feels a responsibility to his family because his father is disabled.† Iím going to go ahead with my plans to move, but I am scared and a little bit angry that I made a decision based on what he said he would do and now he is backing out.† I donít know how this is going to turn out, but I was wondering if you have any advice.

Not fair

Dear Not fair:

I agree.† It is not fair.† However, whether it is fair or not, these are your circumstances.† I can see things from both of your points of view.† Your boyfriend may want to move, but feels an obligation to his family.† He may have thought that he could ignore it, but when it came right down to it, he discovered that he canít.† I wish more people in the world felt a sense of responsibility to help their families.† However, you accepted a job in another state thinking the two of you would be together.† That makes it hard for you.† My question for you is this.† Why are you staying in a relationship with a man for such a long time when there seems to be no commitment or intent to commit on his part?† If you were thinking he was moving with you, my guess is that you thought you had a committed relationship.† It turns out that you donít.† You might feel committed to him, but if he doesnít feel committed to you, it is not a committed relationship.† I would urge you to think carefully about this relationship and make sure the two of you are on the same page.† Long distance relationships are difficult even when there is an end in sight.† In your case, there seems to be no end.† Make a date with him to talk and ask some tough questions about where this relationship is going and whether or not you are committed.† Donít walk away without clarity.† If he will not give you the answers, perhaps that is your answer and you need to move on.† I hope this helps.† Good luck.

Tereasa

Visit Tereasaís website at www.coachedliving.com.